*Warning: Contains swears. Probably. I haven't written the article yet as this bit's at the top. But it probably will.*
Now, if you know me or have met me you're probably thinking, "Hang on Tim, these sorts of New Year posts are exactly the sort of thing that wind you up, why on Earth are you writing one?".
And well, yes, that's true. I wouldn't normally right about this sort of thing, or even acknowledge it. For me, it's no different to any other time of the year; If you're going to do something just get on with it. But this year is different for me. I had a bit of an epiphany around my birthday, that has changed my focus on life completely.
For the last 4 years or so, I've gave myself to helping others. Convincing myself that I've been too selfish for too long, and trying to make up for perhaps not always being the nicest person on earth in my late teens and early twenties. So I've been trying to be good; I've donated thousands of pounds each year to charities, sacrificed my own time in the pursuit of helping others and provided a huge amount of free business consultancy to over 10 small businesses and start-ups that were launched by friends and associates.
Honestly, it's taken it's toll. The feeling of achievement and helping others is great at first, but when good nature gets taken well and truly advantage of, everything starts to grind. There's barely been a part of my life that hasn't been affected by this. The grinding has taken so many forms, from the simple lack of the word "Thanks", out-and-out rude behaviour in receipt of a great amount work (Sometimes that I've missed important family events for), right through to totally unfounded accusations of affairs and personal attacks on me and my family (Pretty much all of which was based on other people's poor standards, not mine).
I've had enough.
At some point, I stopped (Consciously or otherwise, I can't put my finger on it) putting me first. I'm not even talking about my wife and children, but me. I cannot serve, protect and provide for them if I am fundamentally unhappy. I stopped being a doer, and became a dreamer. Again, the main reason for this was dedicating all of my time to others, with little appreciation; Time that I would normally have spent kicking ass and taking names.
So, tonight, it stops. I've been closing of items and open projects since September in anticipation of a fresh start, and had a lovely final week of doing everything I can for others; Highlight of which delivering a stack of hot food and drinks to the homeless of Salisbury on Boxing Day morning, something that I knew (hoped) would bring no negativity.
2018 is very much going to be New Year, back to Old Tim. I was taught a rule by the first boss I ever had, and a line that was since made famous by Heath Ledger's Joker: 'If you're good at something, never do it for free'. I have lost sight of this so much. I'm a good person, and I deserve happiness. So, starting January 1st 2018, I'm taking it back.
This isn't in any way negative. I'm looking forward to it, excited in fact. Excited to get my spark back, my fight back, my...''Tim" back.
So, bring on 2018. Happy New Year x
P.S. I didn't swear in the end. Fucking check me out! :-)